Here’s Your Trump Prescription!

With less than one week before the United States of America swears in Donald J. Trump as its’ 46th President, some of the people who voted for his campaign opponents – especially Hillary Rodham Clinton – might feel a bit unwell.

(And, by “some people”, I’m referring to Liberals, Progressives, Socialists, Communists, Illegal Aliens, Welfare Cheats, Self-aggrandizing Democrat Politicians, Global Warming Alarmists, most of the Hollywood Elitists, Obscenely-rich Globalists, “Basement Dwellers“, “Taco Bowls“, “Special Snowflakes“, “Community Organizers“, Wall Street Occupiers, Dead Chicago Voters, and, of course, Illegal Voters nationwide because “Every Vote Counts”…but, I digress)

It’s a feeling I can relate to: I honestly and completely believed in my heart the 2003 Boston Red Sox were going to win the ALCS against the “Evil Empire” New York Yankees – until, at the last minute, Manager Jimy Williams decided to keep Pedro Martinez in the game, which the Sox eventually lost in extra innings. The next day I called in sick, not because of my non-existent  hangover, but from the illness-inducing realization that just because I wanted the Sox to win, I believed they could win, I was praying they’d win, and that they were actually winning didn’t guarantee they would. (If you’re a Yankees fan, just substitute the 2004 ALCS to feel instantly worse.)

My day off gave me time to reflect and remember it’s just a game, everybody wants to win, there can only be one winner, the winner may not be you, there’s always another game, and it pays to be a good sport for the sake of the game – you know, all those things I learned as a kid from my parents and gym teachers. The kind of things some people may have forgotten.

So, if you voted for Hillary Clinton, who everybody-and-their-Mother believed would win the election hands down in a landslide, or you voted for Bernie “My Wife Bankrupted A College” Sanders, Jill “Bulldozer Graffitti Artist” Stein, or Gary “Where is Allepo?” Johnson, and your having problems coping with Trump’s victory, then I’ve got just the prescription for you:

Simply pick the symptom(s) which best describes you from the list below to discover your 2017 prescription for wellness:

If this Describes You…

…perhaps this remedy will help: (click image to enlarge)

Despite stating I’m a calm, passive, peace-loving Liberal, Trump’s election makes me want to scream, shout, show defiance, be completely uncooperative and subvert the political process and established laws until I get my way. Label for the "drug" TRUMTANTRIUM
After 40 years of the Clinton’s political intrigue, shady investments, adulterous behavior, failed foreign policy, theft of government property, and a bunch of mysterious yet timely deaths I find it difficult to act like a normal, moral, upstanding, responsible person. Label for the "drug" DECLINTOX
I simply can’t accept the fact that Hillary Clinton lost the election, even though she put sensitive government information on a personal server which was hacked, failed to campaign in Wisconsin and Michigan, exhibited numerous health problems, engaged in pay-for-play while Secretary of State, ran a shady “Charitable Foundation”, oversaw a failed foreign policy which destabilized at least four countries and resulted in the death of a US Ambassador, and wore pantsuits: Obviously, it was Russian Hacking! Label for the "drug" LIBSULOSTITOL
Liberals claim to embrace diversity, promote inclusion, champion equality, and practice tolerance, yet when Liberals stereotype me as being “Deplorable”, it makes me feel marginalized, excluded, and untolerated. Label for the "drug" DEPLORITOL
I’m almost at the point of a complete mental breakdown after watching how my Socialist candidate Bernie Sanders was systematically destroyed by the coordinated efforts of the Democratic National Committee, the Clinton Campaign, and the Mainstream Media! Label for the "drug" SANDERTORIUM
After eight years of Barack Hussein Obama’s targeting of Christians, Conservatives, Caucasians, Legal Gun Owners, the Police, financially successful people, conventional energy sources, and Israel, along with his failed foreign, health care, immigration, and economic policies, I’m feeling physically weak, emotionally drained, mentally frustrated, and economically less secure. Label for the "drug" BARRYUM
I want to Make America Great Again for every legal US resident regardless of race, color, creed, religion, sexual persuasion, or political affiliation – including those hypocritical Liberals – by helping to  protect America’s best interests, enforce immigration & election laws, reduce waste, fraud, and corruption, preserve our Constitutional Rights, and create more jobs. Label for the "drug" MAGA-nesium

Disclaimer: These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These non-existent products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.

Thanks for reading!

(oh, and remember: those images are Copyrighted :-)

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