If Liberals Redesigned the Statue of Liberty.

Designed by French sculptor Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi, built of copper and steel supported by a metal framework designed and built by Gustave Eiffel, it was presented as a gift to the United States by France in 1886 to allegedly celebrate Republican President Abraham Lincoln’s abolition of slavery. Called the “Statue of Liberty” it’s formal name is actually “Liberty Enlightening the World”, and the design was even awarded a US Patent in 1879.

While the statue itself may be static, the fact that its’ outer appearance has remained essentially unchanged for 135 years means it’s iconic and timeless symbolism is seriously due for some “modernization” to reflect America’s “changing values” or risk being “obsolete”.

Back in 2012 I pondered what might happen if Liberals ran Major League Baseball: And, we’re seeing some of their effects on the sport today. Now, I wonder what Liberals would do to “modernize” France’s gift to the USA, the Statue of Liberty:

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  1. Don’t refer to the Statue as “Her”, “She”, “Lady”, or “Female”
    First and foremost, genders are obsolete in this age of “Wokeness”, so all such nouns have to be eliminated. Instead, use words like “It”, “They”, “Them”, or perhaps even “Child Bearing Unit”.

  2. Color of all exposed skin changed from green to dark brown or black.
    Let’s face it: No one has green skin color, except for the Orion slayve woman in the original Star Trek, Herman Munster, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Swamp Thing, the Incredible Hulk…ok, maybe some people have green skin. Still, best to change the color to reflect America’s “modern values”.

  3. Replace the Statue’s diadem (crown) with a rainbow.
    The seven rays on the statue’s crown represent the sun’s rays, seven continents, seven seas, and Heaven’s divine light. Literally nobody is thinking of any of those lofty, idealistic references while looking at the statue. Obviously, a multi-color rainbow would be “more inclusive” despite the fact it will almost certainly exclude the color white.

  4. Sandals on Liberty’s feet replaced by Nike-branded sneakers
    All those “improvements” are going to cost money, so why not let a large, powerful, rich, well-known corporation pay their “fair share”? After all, it’s not like a lot of people will be looking at Liberty’s feet. And, Nike was the Greek Goddess of Victory.

  5. Substitute a raised, clenched fist for Freedom’s Torch
    The original torch was powered by lamp oil and the current one by electricity. As each of these clearly contribute to Climate Change they must go. A raised, clenched fist symbolizing Humanity’s Struggle “the Struggle” is much more politically correct.

  6. Change the date on the tablet.
    Right now the Tablet in Liberty’s left hand reads “July IV, MDCCLXXVI”, which translates to “July 4th, 1776″ for those not familiar with Roman Numerals. Can’t have this symbol of “Systemic Racism” decorating America’s beacon of Freedom, no siree, so just modify it to read “June XVIIII, MDCCCLXV” (That would be June 19th, or “Juneteenth”, which shouldn’t be confused with the day Communist spies Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were executed for providing classified American information to the Soviet Union). Added bonus: Changing the tablet to a large electronic tablet would recognize China’s contribution to America, but make sure its’ solar or wind powered.

  7. Modify Liberty’s Right Foot.
    Did you know Liberty’s right foot is raised as if to indicate she’s walking forward to freedom after using her left foot to break the chains of bondage? If you didn’t know don’t worry: As I stated earlier not too many people look at the feet. Clearly that’s ridiculous, it’s a statue fixed to a foundation. As long as it’s stationary why not have the foot resting on the face of a White person, to symbolize “stomping out” Systemic Racism?

  8. Cover the face with a hajib.
    The statue’s already essentially covered in a kaftan: By just adding a hajib – a tiny, easy alteration – the Islam community is now visually and respectfully represented.

  9. Rotate the Statue 90 degrees counter-clockwise.
    Naturally, this will require a bit of effort, but rotating it 90 degrees counter-clockwise places the statue in line with the dock for the Battery Park to Liberty Island Ferry. More importantly, it properly orients it towards the Kaaba in the Sacred Mosque in Mecca. Convenient for the ferry and respectful to Muslims? Why, that’s a “Win-Win“! Besides, none of the other religions care about their physical compass while praying…only their moral one.

Small changes, but guaranteed big impact: If you have any other suggestions just let me know, and…

Thanks for Reading!

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