Calling All Voters!

february 2, 2016 by Museman


It's ME and U for US in 2016!
The 2016 MUSEman Presidential Platform

Streamline the Monetary Supply
Money...it's what we want! I'll abolish the penny: It costs more to make it than it's worth, and besides, President Lincoln's already on the five dollar bill. And while I'm at it, I'll sign an Executive Order requiring all prices to be rounded to the nearest dollar, as it appears the nickel is also getting too expensive to make.
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Reign in Executive Power
The Power of ROBOPEN! Speaking of Executive Orders, as President I'll immediately sign two additional Executive Orders: One abolishing all Executive Orders signed by previous Presidents, and another making it illegal for future Presidents to sign Executive Orders. Of course, I'd be exempt from these Orders while I work to identify and undo the damage done by all those previous Orders. And, unlike President Obama, who promised to close GITMO by Executive Order on his very first day as President, I'll actually do this pledge on my very first day, because I want to hit the ground running.
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Four Weeks Paid Vacation for All Citizens
Relax for a bit! If I'm President every legally employed citizen in the country will automatically receive four (4) weeks vacation. However, to prevent the United States from becoming France every August, vacations would be staggered according to last name, and able-bodied unemployed people would serve as temporary replacements (think of it as a "Welfare Vacation", "WellCation", or even "FunEmployment"). In addition, married couples would be required to spend two weeks together and two weeks apart, while single people would be required to spend at least two weeks dating someone:  Imagine the health benefits and reduction in the divorce rate this might provide! (Personally, I believe the Obamas taking separate vacations is one reason why their marriage has lasted so long)
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Provide Free National ID Cards
Hello, my Name is... I'm horrible at remembering names, just ask my co-worker what's-his-name. So, if I'm to be addressed as "Mr. President", "Commander-in-Chief", "Oh Great One", or some other well-deserved title then it's only fair I show the same respect to my constituents. The actual name on the tag doesn't matter, as long as you wear one and you're not all named "Bruce".
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A Guaranteed Road to Citizenship for All Immigrants
Everyone's a Citizen! The Statue of Liberty proclaims she wants the world's "huddled masses", but I'm quite sure she didn't mean to include the world's subversives, criminals, prisoners, spies, terrorists, or those clearly out to do America harm. Unfortunately, that doesn't stop Liberals from letting such persons into the world's most popular "relocation destination" by disingenuously lumping together illegal aliens (ie: law-breakers) with legal immigrants (ie: honest, law-abiding people).

Here's what I propose to solve this decades-old problem:

For every illegal alien you turn into law enforcement who's subsequently deported back to their Country of birth you'll receive a one-time "Finders Fee" which is either deducted from your taxable gross income or added to your Federal Assistance payment. An RFID tag, secretly installed into the lawbreaker's body as a "Vaccine" or "blood test", or even knowingly given to them by force, will report electronically to border checkpoints, border-patrolling drones and every electronic cash or security system around the country making it easy to find them if they illegally return.

And, a handy downloadable app available for iOS or Android devices will alert law-abiding citizens of money-making opportunities potentially all around them courtesy of our nation's cellphone system and the convenience of GPS.

Imagine it as "Uber" or Pokemon Go, but for illegal aliens.

My plan uses technologies already in place, requires little additional infrastructure to implement, protect National Security, secures our borders, and helps stimulate our economy: It's a plan so brilliantly simple there's absolutely no way politicians, corporations, foreign countries and Liberals would ever let it succeed!
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Increase Voter Turnout
Vote! Voting will be mandatory, and monitored by the IRS who'll levy a fine to be taken out of your Federal benefits or added to your taxes if you don't vote (heck, they're already doing it with your mandatory Health Insurance, right?). They'll be no early voting, and it'll take place over at least two days when everything but essential services will be completely closed. You must vote in person at a designated polling place unless you provide verifiable medical proof of physical hardship. And, there will be absolutely no news coverage of the voting or any political opining at all for the entire length of time voting is allowed. If you don't think this would work check out what's done in Brazil and Greece.
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Expand the Use of Green Energy Technologies
Green Energy! The Earth has been warming and cooling for billions of years, and mankind's processes contribute to planetary warming: Otherwise, "The Laws of Thermodynamics" - which even Homer Simpson obeys - would simply be called "The Theories of Thermodynamics".

So, without too much hyperbole, I state:

The world needs to immediately devote ALL of their money, labor, and resources to combat the existential threat Climate Change poses to Humanity's VERY SURVIVAL!!!

To accomplish this, I propose expanding the development of Green Energy technologies by

  (1) expanding the use of 100% Green nuclear power,
  (2) developing clean coal technologies,
  (3) transitioning from cars, buses, and planes running on DC motors powered by lithium batteries to running on combustion engines powered by clean hydrogen,
  (4) producing more accurate models of the world's climate (e.g.: the effects of the water cycle on balancing the Earth's temperature) ,
  (5) signing an Executive Order requiring everyone involved in Climate Change sciences to strictly adhere to the Scientific Method or face dire legal consequences,
  (6) enforcing full and complete transparency by the organizations, universities, and scientists involved in promoting their Climate Change agenda, and
  (7) implementing a streamlined Freedom-of-Information-Act process designed to allow the taxpayers to know how much of their hard-earned money is being redistributed to whom.
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Improve Health Insurance
Healthy hearts! What's difference between Mitt Romney's Universal Health Insurance for Massachusetts and Barack Obama's ObamaCare? With RomneyCare, the Democrats were only able to fail in one state, while under ObamaCare they extended their failure nationwide.

Health Insurance should be:

  (a) available only to legal US Residents,
  (b) offered as part of your job, retirement, or Social Security,
  (c) allowed to be written across state lines, and
  (d) transportable from state to state.

All other details should be left to the individual states, whose economic and societal future would depend on how well each state's plan worked. It couldn't be any worse than the "Affordable" Care Act (ObamaCare), and - Added Bonus! - we could get to pick the best plan from up to 50 possible solutions.

And, let's not forget: Health Insurance is not Health Care - just ask all those people who bought "Rusty Jones" undercoating treatment during the 1980's.
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Make Government More Efficient
Clean up the Cabinet! My civics may be a little rusty, but I believe Cabinet Departments are part of the Executive Branch: The branch that executes legislation created by the Congress. Unfortunately, it seems that during Barack Obama's reign as President we've seen various Cabinet departments unilaterally enacting  ground-sweeping, comprehensive laws by fiat under the direction of the President. So, I propose getting rid of the Departments of Education, Housing, and Energy, and sharply curtailing the powers of the Interior, Agriculture, and the FDA.
And lately, it seems whatever (p)Resident of the United States Joe Biden can't persuade congress to do while he's at the beach, eating two scoops of ice cream, or denying he's getting payoffs from China he simply does by signing another Executive Order. Heck, why practice "Democracy" when all's you need is a phone and a pen? So, now that the Presidency has become a sinecure thanks to Liberal Democrats why not eliminate that job too?
I think once I'm elected leader I'll just use some Executive Orders to accomplish it all... right after I sign one making myself President for Life and then sign another eliminating Executive Orders.
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Increased National Security
Protect against threats!
 Let's be honest: As the head of your household you wouldn't leave yourself and your family, home, and possessions unprotected against intruders, would you?

Well, as your President I wouldn't leave the White House - or its' collective family and possessions called "America" - unprotected either. Just like looking out for ants at a picnic, bugs in the mattress, or TEA Party groups trying to establish a 501c non-profit organization during the re-election campaign of a Democrat president, we need to look out for intruders seeking to compromise our national home: To that end, I propose expanding the military, improved mental health care screening and treatment, mandatory gun training and ownership for all legal citizens who are mentally fit and either employed or retired, and martial law at all international airports.
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A Fairer Tax Structure
You earned it, you keep it!
 Why does billionaire Warren Buffet pay less taxes than his Secretary? That's easy: Buffet has an army of tax accountants, investment advisors and financial managers whose very jobs depend on making sure Mr. Buffet pays the minimum taxes legally allowed, while his Secretary probably only has that local tax guy down the street working out of his/her living room. (Oh, and, Buffet also uses this little loophile to keep his money.)

There's certainly room for improving the tax code, and here's my proposal: All tax deductions are eliminated, and every individual pays a flat tax rate of 15% - indexed to inflation - no matter how much or how little money they make. All money you don't delare is subject to forfeiture by the IRS, and given to the US Treasury for reducing the nation's deficit (Thanks in advance for your generous contribution).

For US-based corporations, instead of paying the highest corporate tax rates in the world - 39.5% - I propose a flat tax of no more than the industrialized country charging the second-highest rate in the world. If a US-based corporation brings foreign profits back into America to create or bring back sustainable infrastructure, jobs, and training in or to the United States the rate on that money will be the same as the individual rate, while the rate on their income will eventually be reduced to no greater than that of the industrialized country charging the lowest corporate tax rate but no less than that charged to individuals, whichever is higher. Charging a higher rate to Foreign-based corporations will help ensure all the money US corporations and individuals are saving will be re-invested into the US to create more infrastructure, jobs, and training to compete with the world. The worse that happens is countries will compete to lower their tax rates, but with everyone working no one will mind paying a lower rate, every good and service will suddenly become potentially profitable, the amount of taxes collected will increase, (and even if the amount decreases they'll be less people on welfare who'll need the money anyway) and US firms wouldn't be motivated to relocate overseas. If you're thinking "this is sure to wreck the United States economy" I ask you: Are you better off now than you were eight years ago? I thought so.

 Naturally, I haven't worked out the details yet, but elect me and I promise to ask Warren Buffet's battalion of boffins how to make this work... right after I reign in all those Executive Orders! (top of page)
Thanks for Reading!
 
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