Revealed: US Embassy Evacuation Checklist

Note: The following list is satire for entertainment purposes only. I have no personal knowledge of any preparations planned or in process by the US Government for the evacuation of their Embassy in the Ukraine.

The Embassy of the United States of America
Kyiv, Ukraine
Embassy Evacuation Checklist

Task Status?
1 Make sure each Senior Staff member can safely get out of the country Done!
Box is checked.
2 Protect all BLM and LGBTQ related materials but destroy all US Flags Working…
3 Collect any untraceable US Currency to take when evacuating. Done!
Box is checked.
4 Ensure the families and lovers of the Senior Staff are safe Behind schedule

Evacuation aircraft currently being used to resettle Illegal Aliens throughout the USA.
5 Prepare all Embassy passwords and code books for easy discovery Working…
6 Make sure all weapons, computers and critical electronics are left intact, undisturbed and unattended. Working…
7 Formulate an exit strategy for junior embassy staff and, for some, their families On Schedule

List of Junior Staff and family members friendly to the Biden Administration is being generated.
8 Leave lists of personal information of all locals who have cooperated with the US in the past, especially with the CIA Working…
9 Abandon panicked American citizens begging for help to get out of the country. Pending

Will execute this task when full evacuation begins.
10 Write status updates and press releases describing the great job performed by the US Embassy Senior Staff, US State Department, and the Biden Administration to achieve a successful draw down and evacuation. Done!
Box is checked.

Thanks for Reading! (and remember, this post is satire!)

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