With both the conservative and mainstream press trying to out-report each other with instances of “voter irregularities” during the recent 2012 Presidential Election, I thought now might be the time for a new lexicon that takes typical and every-growing examples of “voter irregularities” and conveniently expresses each using a single word.
Presenting, the new Election Lexicon… or, as I call it:
|Bridgeported||CT||Ballots are photocopied when there aren’t enough.|
|Cuyahogtied||OH||Voting machines fail, causing long lines at polls.|
|Denverted||CO||Diverting voters to less crowded polling places during periods of heavy voter turnout.|
|Doralater||FL||Telling early voters to come back later after they overwhelm a polling location.|
|Fairfaxified||VA||Keeping polls open hours after they’re supposed to close.|
|Hamiltwoed||OH||Multiple voters cast multiple votes.|
|Lawrenced||MA||Passing out absentee ballots and instructing people how to fill it out for your candidate.|
|Pewaukounted||WI||Voting machine fails to count a voter’s ballot.|
|Philadelphiarized||PA||100% of the votes in a group of precincts “unexpectedly” go to one candidate|
|Pueblopposited||CO||Voting machine switches your vote to the opposite candidate.|
Here’s an example of the New Elexicon in use, to show just how convenient it is:
“When our polling place was Cuyahogtied, we Denverted, but began to Bridgeport as soon as we determined Lawrencing was taking place outside. In fact, the waiting line was so long and Pewaukounting so rampant that the Mayor authorized Fairfaxing. Remarkably, almost all of the polling places were Philadelphiarized: We really didn’t even need to Hamiltwo or Pueblopposite! ”
Have you got another word that would be right at home on this list? If so, let me know!
Thanks for reading!