Hard to believe it’s already the Christmas Season (that’s right, readers: “Christmas“, not “Holiday”, or “Winter Celebration”, or “Chrismahanukwanzakah“) , and in keeping with my random tradition I once again present a short list of gifts that I’d return, re-gift, or donate to charity if given I’m considering for my closest relatives and friends. As usual, Holiday readers, there’s no need to thank me if this helps reduce your shopping stress while you compete with apparently less shoppers this year for those fewer and more expensive stuff on store shelves.

A very Merry Christmas to You and Yours! Click below to…

My 2022 Christmas Gift Suggestions

Important Note: I am not affiliated with and make no money from any of the items, retailers, or links shown below. This list is for entertainment purposes only.
	• Million Dollar Bills A perennial favorite since  “Basement Joe” Biden was (s)elected (P)resident in 2020, and especially now that the Democrats have caused record-setting inflation by spending almost $5 TRILLION of taxpayer money Americans don’t have, there’s no time like the present to give or receive Million Dollar Bills as a present! Just be sure to get some now before those tax-and-spend Democrats need to issue a “Trillion Dollar Bill“.
	• Burning Brothel Railroad Kit! What’s the perfect gift for the grown-up model railroad builder in your life? Why, their own little “House of Ill Repute”! Available from NOCH GmbH & Co. KG, Germany, in a limited release of just 1,000 kits, it comes complete with 6 figurines (4 “working girls” & 2 customers), red LED lights, a sound modules with loudspeaker, and even some cotton wool to simulate smoke! Added Bonus: An optional “Voyeur Kit” of 6 figurines is also available at extra cost. Guaranteed to add some pizzazz to any exquisitely-detailed HO-scale railroad layout, they’re  sure to put the “Ho!” in “Ho ho HO!” this season!
	• An Authentic Meteorite Does owning an electric car mean you can’t give your naughty child a lump of coal for Christmas? Can’t give them one because you need to pay your ever-rising electric bill? Then why not give them a meteorite, a piece of celestial body which survived entering the Earth’s atmosphere? Now, not only will that naughty child know they’ve been naughty, but they’ll know it FROM SPACE 😉
	• Illegal Chimney Alien! When you have a president who allows over 4,700,000 people to enter America illegally, sends them to cities all across America, and provides them with free housing and benefits someone is bound to find one in their chimney for Christmas! It’s probably not a big concern for Americans living in Southern states, where chimneys aren’t really needed,  but those in other states might want to use a nice Chimney Cleaning Log while watching the Christmas Yule Log on their television set.
	• Tactical Gear Christmas Stocking Did you know George Washington’s crossing of the Delaware River in 1776 to fight the British Army, and the Vietnam War’s “Operation Linebacker II” in 1972, which ended the Vietnam War, both happened during Christmas? Here’s the perfect gift for your favorite serviceman, military affectionado, or doomsday prepper. There’s space for everything they’ll need to fight or survive, along with a convenient carry handle, and would look great with any bugout bag.
	• Tub O Ketchup Bath Bombs Truth be told I’m not a ketchup fan, not even on french fries: It’s strictly mustard, with fries dipped in mayo. But, for the person who puts ketchup on everything – including tomatoes – consider putting ketchup on…yourself! And there’s no cleaner way to do it than using Tub-O-Ketchup Bath Bombs. Just drop one into a filed tub and ease into a private lake of scented comfort even Jean Marat would be jealous of. Sadly, it’s only clever packaging, as each bomb is just red food coloring with a scent of black cherry: For a true ketchup experience you’ll need about 8 gallons of ketchup (about ten commercial size cans or jugs.)
	• UFO Detector Having trouble having a cow because your cows keep disappearing, especially at night? Perhaps you need the handy UFO Detector from Images SI, Inc.. Simply plug this small gizmo in and it will alert you whenever a Grey, Nordic, Blue, Reptoid, Burrower, Aetherian, Draco-borg and possibly Chupacabra generate an electromagnetic disturbance nearby. The downside? It could act as extraterrestrial bug lamp, so if you don’t want to be probed (or, lose any more cows) you might want to wait until Uncle Sam reveals all those UFO secrets he’s been hiding. (Apparently this product’s been around for over 10 years, why I didn’t detect it earlier is a mystery )
	• COVID-19 Vaccine Deaths! During the last two years you probably already got an mRNA COVID Vaccine to fight off a virus originating in a biolab in China, or maybe one or more booster shots of decreasing effectiveness. In keeping with the adage “No good deed goes unpunished.” here’s your “gift” for 2022: The number of COVID deaths are higher for those vaccinated against COVID, compared to those who are unvaccinated. Good thing you can’t sue Uncle Sam or drug companies for any side effects from a COVID vaccine!
	• St. Nicholas Cage Xmas Ornament What’s less creepy than the image of Oceania’s leader Big Brother on every TV screen and poster, less adorable than Baby Sun from the Teletubbies, and less disturbing than being captured by Rover? It’s the St. Nicholas Cage Christmas Ornament! Sure to thrill all Cage fans, some of whom may even skip putting any other decorations on the their tree…except, of course, a Nicholas Cage Angel at the very top. Handy Tip! If you’re not a Nick Cage fan check out the Ornament that Doesn’t Hang itself.
	• Toilet Bowl Coffee Mug If your friends appreciated the cute Big Mouth, Inc. Toilet Bowl Shot Glasses you gave them last year then a pair of matching Toilet Bowl Coffee Mugs are guaranteed to please! The cup’s 12 ounce capacity is convenient for ending that morning hangover, or use it to hold anything chocolate for added (and, potentially uncomfortable) “realism”. Warning! For occasional stomach upset please use a full-size toilet.

(Note I am in not associated in any known way with any product or link shown on this page, and acknowledge the various Copyrights and Trademarks used throughout this article are the property of their respective holders.)

Thanks for reading! And, Merry Christmas!