It’s St. Valentine’s Day, and I’m a Card

Cupid's hugging his pillow?!?(image of Cupid hugging his pillow courtesy of
It’s Valentine’s Day, traditionally the day when one expresses their affection to their heart’s desire, usually accompanied by the lucky one is suitably impressed by their suitor.

Having already sent expressions of affection to my heart’s desires (let’s see: Bling for the sports car? Check!… Greetings to women I don’t stand a chance with? Check!… Money to the Red Sox for tickets? A big fat Check!) let me now present my Valentine’s Day gift to you:

Vintage Valentine’s Day Cards

Are they clever double entendres or awkwardly disturbing? You decide!
Added Bonus! Two of these cards are fake, because I’m such a card!
Can you pick them?

She's educating him on the dancefloor

Truth be told I’ve dated a couple of dancers in my time: One was very good on her feet and the other was exactly the opposite. As for “REEL”, I presume the card means the “Virginia Reel“, a folk dance dating back to the 17th Century, although that’s not the dance shown on the card.

Have a BANG on Valentine's Day!

Seems to me if that lucky bear is already getting a bang from their Valentine then a card really isn’t necessary. I could be wrong, though.

It's VD, Rocket Boy!

You either understand this card or you don’t, I’m not going to explain it to you. I can’t decide if this Valentine’s Card is a token of affection or a token of infection, but I’m sure it’s in bad taste.

She wants to "Nail" you?!?

Hmmm… I suspect the young girl in this card might be a carpenter but perhaps not a lady. Besides, at her age she shouldn’t be holding any hammers, they could be dangerous.

Eat your Valentine? WOT?!?

Thanks to the sentiment’s lack of a comma I’m not sure if the Valentine is sweet enough to eat or I’m sweet enough to eat someone’s Valentine. Either way it’s bad, but I’ve got no clue how someone thought cannibalism was a good subject for a Valentine’s day card. (FYI: St. Valentine was executed by the Romans, but not by being boiled.)

"Who's your daddy?" Not me!

Talk about awkward: It’s fine for a young girl to call her biological dad “Daddy”, and it may even be fun for a woman to use as a pet name for her lover (especially during an intimate Valentine’s Day moment). But to use it on a Valentine’s Day card? Yipe!

Trailing his Valentine? Really?

This card has an interesting double-entendre: A good one – being chauffeured in what I hope is a luxury trailer, and a bad one – being trailed by a possible stalker. Neither kid is old enough to drive, so the first isn’t a problem. However, being stalked by someone can’t be good.

A Skeleton has "Feelings"?

What to do with an unsold Halloween Card? Why, turn it into an awkwardly disturbing Valentine’s Day card! Not sure how a skeleton can feel something without a nervous system, and there’s no way he can be intimate in the condition he’s in, even if his Valentine has a morbid fantasy. There’s no bones about that!

Thanks for Reading!
(BTW: In case you’re curious the cards saying “Big D” and “Daddy” are fake ;-)
 FYI: Card: (noun; informal) an amusing or facetious person, e.g.: “He’s such a card!”)

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