Standing Up for Viral Humor.

Working from home has me sitting down quite a lot so I took a break and worked on my Standup Comedy for a little bit. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

I asked a woman I like if she wanted to be intimate and she replied “Sure, as long as you keep at least 6 feet away.”

While in my local big department store I noticed a man wearing a gun but not a face mask, and I asked him…(feel free to select one of the following punch lines)
- “Aren’t you afraid of catching the virus?”, and he said “From who?”
- “Are you here to purchase ammo?”, and he said, “No, I’m here to rob the place.”
- “Haven’t you heard? Our state’s ‘Social Distancing’ rule also applies to ammunition.”

I invited a woman to share my bedroom and she said “Didn’t you hear? The CDC said we shouldn’t be in close contact for more than 5 minutes”. To which I replied “Oh, I don’t think that’ll be a problem.”

My friend reported they’ve been drunk on vodka since the COVID-19 pandemic began. “Depressed?”, I asked. “No”, he replied, “I’m trying to see if I can kill it from the inside.”

Before my girlfriend stopped by for a “visit” she asked me if I had protection. I said “Do I need it?” and she said “Yes, on your face and hands.” “Are you THAT worried about catching the virus?”, and she answered “No, I’m worried about your face and hands.”

Thank you very much, you’ve been a great audience, I’m here occasionally, and I’d say “Try the veal marsala, it’s excellent!” but all the restaurants are closed.