It’s no secret that America’s bastion of fast food – McDonald’s – has been struggling the past couple of years. A troubling sign, as those in the know know that as McDonald’s goes so goes the World’s economy (don’t believe me? Click here.)
So, on the premise that McDonald’s is “too big to fail“, here’s my list of eight things they should do in order to get their financials, and those of the world, back on track. After all, how else will they able to afford the $15/hr. wages people Unions were protesting for?
Bring back the McRib Sandwich
No idea why they got rid of this. It must have been popular – just ask Burger King, who put a smaller version on their $1 Menu (the “BK Rib“). Not near a Burger King? No problem: Pick up a Banquet “Boneless Pork Riblet Meal” for – you guessed it – a dollar.
Give us a $1 Value Drink.
$1.39 for a 16 ounce drink? Really?!? The markup on soda is astronomical, and all’s you do is give us the cup – we have to add ice, soda, a cap and straw. It’s no wonder my local McDonald’s won’t let me bring in my own $0.89 24-ounce soda from the gas station next door.
Bring back Chicken McBites
Let’s see: You got rid of these but thought “Mighty Wings“, which we already know was a mighty FAIL, was a great idea? Pure genius 
Drop the price of Chicken Wraps to $2.99
When McDonald’s ran a promotion on these awhile back for $1.00 each most of the McDonald’s near me sold out on the first day – and lost about 75 cents on each one sold. So, instead of charging $3.99, how about dropping the price by $1, adding a soda or coffee for $1 more, and watch as people drop their croissant sandwiches and coffees from Dunkin’ Donuts, their 6-inch subs from Subway, and their fancy arugula wraps and custom-built lattes from Starbucks and make a bee line to your door?
Two strips of bacon for $1.00?!?
Perhaps China wants to make a quick buck off their $7.1 Billion purchase of Smithfield Foods, America’s largest pork processor. Frankly, it would be better simply to buy a BK Rib Sandwich at Burger King and slap the pork patty on top of the McDonald’s burger. (Did I just invent a new menu item?)
Put the “Happy Egg” back on the breakfast menu.
Scrambled eggs, a hash brown, and a juice or coffee for a nice low price: That’s how I like my breakfast. Anything fancier and I’m off to iHop or Bickford’s. For the kids, substitute apple slices for the hash brown to keep the parents happy.
How about “Flavored Fries”?
Think of it as “Shake N’ Bake“® for french fries: Sell us a bag of fries and a choice of powdered flavor packets – say, chili pepper, ranch, BBQ, Hamburger, Cinnamon, etc. – sprinkle the powder into the bag and shake it up. BTW: If you need help checking to see if Kraft Foods has a patent on this, or if your fancy marketing phrase for this product isn’t trademarked, then I’m your guy – and, if you like the idea send me an email to announce my royalty payment 
Bring the Lobster Roll back to the USA
Now I’m really dating myself: Remember when Micky D’s sold a lobster roll for $3.99? Absolutely true – in 1994 . It’s impossible for them to sell one at that price today – just ask Maritime Canadians, who pay $6.50 for theirs – unless, perhaps, it contained imitation Lobster product made from pollack, and called it the “Lobstah Roll“. They could still say it’s real fish, because it is; they just have to make sure to have Donnie Wahlberg voice the ads – it’s “Lob-STAH“, not “Lobster”.
Thanks for reading!
