Titanic Blunder Down Under?

Real Estate magnate Clive Palmer, a self-made Australian billionaire, announced he is hiring a Chinese shipbuilder to construct a full-size replica of the RMS Titanic, the “unsinkable” White Star luxury liner which sank with the loss of 1,514 lives on April 15, 1912 after colliding with an iceberg (which, presumably, caused her low-grade steel rivets, already embrittled by below-freezing seawater, to fail en masse).

Of course, while it will look like the original Titanic in all regards, at least above the waterline, it’ll include the latest, state-of the art navigation, collision-avoidance, communications, and other gizmos to ensure the new ship is, well, unsinkable (or, to avoid the attention of lawyers, let’s say “optimized to minimize the capability for taking on unwanted water”).

Mr. Palmer plans her maiden voyage for late 2016, along the same route as the original RMS Titanic.

I admire his ambitious plan, but I’d be more than a bit careful using Chinese shipbuilders, Chinese electronics, Chinese materials, or Chinese engineering expertise to construct his vessel (he’s not considering using Chinese food, or internet access via a Chinese web portal… is he?)

And, I hope he succeeds. Currently, most of today’s hugemongous floating cities are too tender to travel across an ocean comfortably: A ship with elegant lines, Victorian opulence, and a link to history would be a nice addition. Personally, I’d like him to build a Normandie II or the United States II – however, burning up at the dock or rusting away after being stripped of parts simply doesn’t compare in terms of sheer tragedy. Maybe he’ll consider adding some ships later?

Unfortunately, he’s not the first to lay claim to titling something “Titanic II” – that was already done back in 2010, apparently with disastrous results:

Frankly, I’d build the ship a little larger and just name it the “Gigantic” – why tempt Fate?

Thanks for reading!

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BK’s Freestyle FAIL

At the request of my young relative we visited our local Burger King®, where he proudly showed me their new “Freestyle”® soda dispenser. Stylishly designed by Italy’s Pininfarina®, it’s offers more than 100 drink flavors (it’s actually 125, brags the King).

After my young relative pressed a plethora of buttons to create a chemical concoction Nietzsche would admire, I proceeded to request a simple vanilla-flavored orange soda – only to discover no such option existed. I could enhance my orange soda with lime, lemon, cherry, raspberry — even orange — flavoring, but no, not vanilla.

One-hundred-twenty-five drink choices, but not the one I want? Sound like a soda fountain FAIL to me.

Once I resigned myself to a plain old cup of diet orange soda (tasty, but the absence of sugar gave it a “thin” mouth feel – perhaps a little more Glycol Ester of Wood Rosin might help?), I couldn’t help but wonder how they overlooked such an obviously classic taste combination: After all, various competitors already offer it in the bottle, at their fast-food locations, and as a delicious frozen confection.

I’m betting lawyers have something to do with it. Regardless, I’ll contact BK to see if their brain trust can remedy the situation ;-)

Thanks for reading!

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Xbox Xpenses are Xpensive!

In today’s Matt Rosff’s article for Business Insider, “How Long Until We Can Write The Obituary For Windows Phone?” (link), he includes this little jaw-dropping, eye-popping fact almost as an afterthought:

“Remember: Microsoft dropped more than $10 billion on the Xbox before it ever turned a dime in profit (that’s operating loss — not including acquisitions. It’s still about $4 billion in the hole, lifetime.)”

“Remember”?!? Heck, I didn’t even know in the first place! I simply assumed Microsoft, after a slow start, was now making piles of money on the Xbox platform.

After my jaw and eyes returned to normal, I read the entire article, along with some of the links he included within it: It’s a nice read… especially the link on how Microsoft could drive itself out of business.

Thanks for reading!

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“Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?”

Your Mega Millions ticket probably didn’t win yesterday’s $640 Million contest, but if you received a ticket from the Connecticut State Police Troop I in picturesque Bethany, CT that Friday you may have helped the troopers win a “contest” of their own.

An internal State Police e-mail released by Connecticut’s WTNH News Channel 8 literally describes a “ticket writing contest” among the various Connecticut Police Barracks, with the email’s author extolling his colleagues at Troop I in Bethany to “do better” and write at least “60 infractions a shift” in order to show up the other troops throughout the Nutmeg State, especially those in Bridgeport and Middletown.

While I’m not a lawyer (not even a “non-Attorney spokesperson“) I’m thinking there’s no privacy is attached to the email: The State Police work for and are funded by the citizens, and the email doesn’t appear to compromise any on-going investigations. So, here’s the email for your consideration (click image to enlarge):

Police "ticket quota"? Nonsense!

(source: WTNH.com)

No doubt this email is unfortunate: It lends credibility to something many people secretly suspect happens in police departments – ticket quotas ticket contests.

(Update: Hartford’s CBS Radio affiliate WTIC AM 1080 reported April 3rd that an official review found no “ticket quota” system was in place. Such as quota is illegal in CT)

Despite this apparent accidental lack of judgement by the email’s author, I remain convinced that the vast majority of people entrusted and sworn to enforce the laws of our land, including the author of the email, are honest, hardworking, upstanding, and moral. And, in nearly every situation these people discharge their responsibilities accurately and fairly without regard to a person’s background.

Why? First, because a society without laws and their enforcement is anarchy, and second, because police are armed and I’m not ;-)

BTW: If your Latin’s a little lacking (mine’s non-existent), the title is from the Roman poet Juvenal‘s “Satire VI”, and translates to “Who shall guard the guardians themselves?” It’s from his story of a man who’s worried his wife will commit adultery during his long absence, and thus confines her to their house with hired guards stationed at the doors… only to wonder later who’ll stop the guards from having their way with his wife? Of course, guards taking advantage of women in unfortunate circumstances  never happens (pdf).

Thanks for reading!

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The Odds Thing about Lotteries

For the two or three of you who haven’t yet heard, the Mega Millions jackpot for Friday, March 30, 2012 is estimated to be $540 $640 million dollars. While the chance of you winning the jackpot is extremely small – 1-in-175,711,536, if you only buy one ticket -  imagine being able to waste throw away spend money on a level not seen since Solyndra. Why, it’s potentially mind-boggling!

Curious to see just how small the odds of winning the jackpot are, I visited the website “Book of Odds” (https://www.bookofodds.com) to find out the odds of other, far more mundane events happening during the course of one’s lifetime. Unfortunately, their website was down… I wonder what the odds are of that happening?

Undaunted, a quick look through the interwebs uncovered some data (which may only have a 50/50 chance of being accurate):

Event Odds of Happening
Cancer anywhere in your body during your lifetime 1-in-2 (males) or 1-in-3 (females)
Shot by a gun (not self-inflicted) 1-in-325
PGA Tour player hitting a hole-in-one 1-in-3,700
Death in an automobile accident 1-in-5,000
Dog attack 1-in-147,717
Killed by an asteroid striking the earth Between 1-in-200,000 and 1-in-500,000
Commercial airline crash resulting in your death 1-in-11,000,000

Of course, these are the average odds based on everyone: If you’re never near dogs, fly commercially, or golf, your actual odds will be much lower.

You’ve probably noticed that, except for the hole-in-one and the free car it usually awards, all the examples represent very unfortunate events. Sure, winning is nice, but as Murphy said “Every silver lining has a cloud”. Consider the benefits of becoming an instant member of the “1% Club“: 33% of lottery winners (in the USA, I presume) go broke within five years of winning, increasing to 64% within 15 years. Not only are winners four times more likely to get divorced compared to the national average, but they run the risk of being swindled, robbed, murdered, or even committing suicide.

And, none of that should be surprising: Of the 46 United States jurisdictions running official lotteries (43 states, plus Washington D.C., Puerto Rico, and the US Virgin Islands), only the State of Delaware allows lottery winners to remain completely anonymous. Otherwise, expect your name, city of residence, prize, and possibly a press conference where you’re the star, to be broadcast to the public. As Edward Ugel said in his book “Money for Nothing: One Man’s Journey Through the Dark Side of Lottery Millions”, “Imagine how your life would change if I suddenly put $50 million in your bank account and printed an ad in the paper about it.”1

Is all of this going to stop me from purchasing at least one ticket before Friday’s drawing? Absolutely not. After all, while money can’t buy love, happiness, or a Senate seat, it can certainly take the some of the sting out of not having them (well, maybe not the Senate seat… then again, a Senate seat might be handy). Besides, I have a failsafe system for playing: I simply use the numbers from the back of the fortune in my fortune cookie: In all my years of playing I’ve never failed to lose with this system (oh, and the fortune itself has never failed in its inaccuracy).

Should I win, I’ll try not to get too excited (chance of a heart attack’s about 1-in-5), and then plan my future life of relative obscurity carefully. Most states give winners at least six months to claim their prize: Plenty of time to consider establishing a blind trust, whether to take a lump sum or an annuity, creating a holding company for your assets, paying the government it’s “due” (let’s see… 30% Federal tax plus approx. 5.8% State tax plus any local taxes… and, that’s after the states have taken about 30% right off the top before paying out any prizes!), changing your name, and moving to your own private island.

Thanks for reading!

1Source: “Lotto Death Curse”, Anneli Rufus of The Daily Beast, Feb 19, 2010 3:57 PM EST

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Free (non-existent) Accessories?!?

A friend of mine wants a new “pay-as-you-go” smartphone without a locked-in monthly contract and asked me for a recommendation. While researching the plans and phone I came across this humorous ad for Tracfone’s LG 800G phone (click image to enlarge):

Tracfone's LG800G Cellphone Ad

(No wonder they're free!)

Hmmm… “Free Accessories Kit” for a phone with no available accessories? Actually, the phone does come with a car charger, headphones, and a belt clip – they’re just not listed anywhere on Tracfone’s website.

BTW, the “Free Accessories Kit” makes an inexpensive cellphone with good performance, copious features, and free “Triple Minutes” for the life of the phone (buy 1 minute, get 2 more free) even more attractive. The LG800G is not a “Smart” phone per se, but it doesn’t lock you into a monthly plan – a requirement of (nearly?) all Smartphones on the market today.

Bonus: If you’ve read down this far, the advice I give to my cellphone-seeking friends who are not interested in plunking down a king’s ransom for an iPhone® is:

If you use less than 300 minutes of airtime per month, consider a Tracfone or Net10 plan – they’re about 8-10 cents per minute. Otherwise, consider one of Walmart’s “Straight Talk” plans and phones.

Thanks for reading!

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