When I was a young boy I liked Winter: Sledding down steep, forested slopes in my Flexible Flyer wooden sled whose sharpened steel runners could cut through you faster than a Ginsu Knife, using the huge piles of snow created by snowplows and shoveled-out driveways to carve out a snow cave which could collapse on you at any second, and snowball fights which were all fun until someone put a chunk of ice into a snowball which then struck you in the head. And doing it all in sub-freezing temperatures while dressed in more layers than a shoplifter at a clothing store, with the best part walking back into the house looking like Frosty the Snowman and Mom waiting with a cup of hot chocolate.

While the kid in me occasionally longs for the halcyon days I’m mature and wise enough to recognize the huge risk of serious bodily harm in attempting to recapture my youth. Besides, the chance of a White Christmas this year where I live is nearly non-existent.

However, I’m still young enough to create my Christmas List, so as the Christmas Season approaches (that’s right, readers: “Christmas“, not “Holiday”, or “Winter Celebration”, or “Chrismahanukwanzakah“) here’s a list of gifts I’d return, re-gift, or donate to charity if given I’m considering for my closest relatives and friends, because Holidays are a Time for Giving!

As always, Holiday readers, there’s no need to thank me if this helps reduce your shopping stress while you take the more money you now have to buy more stuff this Holiday Season.

A very Merry Christmas to You and Yours! Click below to…

My 2025 Christmas Gift Suggestions

Important Note: I am not affiliated with and make no money from any of the items, retailers, or links shown below. This list is for entertainment purposes only.
	• Pringles® Serving Tray It’s said that “Necessity is the Mother of invention.”, but after looking at this I’d add “Hunger” or “Laziness” as pretty strong motivators. This gastrointestinal gadget relives you from the effort of actually tipping the Pringles® can at an angle to grab the chips, while also acting as a lid should any chips remain. The tray is available in a variety of colors, and I suspect it might work with similar brands of chips…but NOT Lay’s® Stax®, which use a dogbone-shaped container.
	• Oink’s Spicy Chocolate Covered Bacon While I’m on the subject of food, those who know me know I’m fond of bacon, and have included various bacon-related products on past Gift Lists (like Baconiase, Bacon Pop, Bacon Deodorant, and more…but, I digress ) And while I’ve often said the only thing better than bacon is bacon wrapped in bacon I may have to reconsider, because I also like chocolate. Those people over at Oinks have taken crispy bacon, coated it in delicious dark chocolate, and then drizzled it with white chocolate. Sounds like a food duo potentially on par with Peanut Butter & Chocolate and Chocolate-covered Coconut (two of my habitual favorites). But I suspect if you like some you’d better act quickly, as other versions of Oinks chocolate-covered bacon seem to have been discontinued, and this 16-serving display box is priced to sell quickly.
	• Opera Corn I’ve got absolutely no idea what the people at Archie McPhee are eating, drinking, or smoking but once again it’s resulted in a culinary treat that one can’t eat but can melodiously keep a beat. With Opera Corn, simply press the button on the bottom of the ear to hear one of five operatic selections designed to elevate your culture and maybe even your appetite (at least for classical music). I predict it’s destined to rank right up there with Archie McPhee’s legendary Electronic Yodelling Pickle. Thanks guys, and if any other ideas for talking or singing food pop into your head I’m all ears!
	• Pooping Dog Butt Toothpaste Topper If your taste for the unusual extends into dental hygiene then you might want to consider a product SO unusual it doesn’t even need a description: Its’ picture is easily worth 1,000 words (and perhaps even a few unwanted facial expressions). Simply attach this dog-shaped topper on your preferred tube of toothpaste to make any brushing experience more disgusting entertaining. Handy Tip! For added realism why not consider using it with ClayBrite Natural Toothpaste? It’s a sure-fire bet that afterwards you’ll be sure to remember to floss!
	• The Infectious Disease Colouring Book What’s better than contracting warts, leprosy, flesh-eating bacteria, syphilis, smallpox, or one of 30 or more other potentially debilitating ailments? Why, coloring highly-detailed images of those potentially fatal maladies! It’s the perfect gift for any aspiring virologist, medical student, hypochondriac, whether or not they have artistic skills. Just have them remember to color inside the lines, and wash their hands before and after handling the book or coloring instruments.
	• Maximum Strength f’Cough Tablets Despite the fact that Chanukah lasts seven (7) days and Christmas lasts twelve (12) days some people may still feel they haven’t had enough food, drink, carols, decorations, and (especially) gifts. Well, I can’t remedy that, but for those who feel they’ve had quite enough of family, friends, or even total strangers who are self-absorbed, egotistical, ungrateful, uncaring, selfish, or worse, consider this gift. It’s guaranteed to not provide ANY relief whatsoever as it’s made from sugar. Might still be worth a try, if only for its’ potential placebo effect, and certainly for producing a laugh or two during the Holiday Season…. or, at anytime.
	• Otamatone Musical Instrument Attention parents! If the last thing you want to hear after a long night of Christmas Eve activities culminating in preparing for Santa’s arrival is a Christmas morning filled with the non-dulcet tones of young children attempting to become instantly proficient in playing a brand new musical instrument then this is the last gift Santa should bring. Claimed to be “One of Japan’s most loved musical instrument portable synthesizer toy [sic]“, it appears to be a modern version of the long-obsolete flute recorder dating back to the Baroque period. Parents wanting to sleep late, work uninterrupted from home, or enjoy a quiet break after dinner will find it impossible if this gift appears under the tree, but grandparents might find it the perfect gift for their grandkids
	• Fidget Intestines Remember when Fidget Spinners were all the rage? Now you can get a box containing up to 1,000 assorted fidget toys to keep the attention-deficient minds of rambunctious kids occupied. But leave it to those wacky people at Archie McPhee to create a Fidget Toy to rise above them all: Fidget Intestines! Achieve peace, relaxation, and contentment as you squeeze and squish tiny bits of fake food through a slime-filled simulated intestine. For just a little more than the price of a bottle of Pepto-Bismol you can make a number two product number one on your Christmas List!
	• Lazy Reader Glasses Why sit up or recline in a comfortable chair or bed to read a book or watch TV when you can lay down completely flat? Thanks to basic geometry, and industrious, State-directed and controlled Chinese companies looking to make a buck or two off of lazy Americans, you can do just that with these unattractive but functional glasses. Just put them on, lay down on your bed or couch, and view the world around you until you fall asleep (in about 20 minutes). (Unless, of course, your parents gave your kids one of those Otamatone Electronic Musical Instruments, then any sleep is out of the question.)
	• Crocodile Head RC Boat Tired of neighbors using your swimming pool when your not around? Want to have some fun with golfers? Confuse people swimming in lakes or streams? Or just keep birds at bay from your bay? Then this clever radio-controlled boat with a realistic crocodile head might be just the ticket. Simply charge it up, place it on the water body of your choice, and pilot your way to laughs and victims to possible cardiac arrest. As the seller states, “Only the inductive paddle shaft sense the water fluid can turn on the power quickly.“, so be sure to put the boat in the water before syncing it to the RC controller. Now, if someone would only come out with an RC-controlled boat shaped like a beaver (not this “Boomin’ Beaver”)… Added Bonus! Enjoy this extra-special Christmas Greeting from Louisiana’s Republican Senator John Kennedy and his life-sized, taxidermied alligator (which is NOT a crocodile).

(Note I am in not associated in any known way with any product or link shown on this page, and acknowledge the various Copyrights and Trademarks used throughout this article are the property of their respective holders.)

Thanks for reading! And, Merry Christmas!